if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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