I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Semen is not good for contacts.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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