So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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