It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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