Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
