did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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