Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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