I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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