i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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