shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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