your thong is hanging out like whoa
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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