He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
