hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
two words...techno handjob
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
