Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
where are you?
Hypothermia
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
