You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
