I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
