please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
