you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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