I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
3 2 1 whiskey
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
