I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
NoShamevember. You game?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
