Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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