Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
