just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
