All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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