I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
