I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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