I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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