Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
