end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
