I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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