kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
