I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
