Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
