wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
