He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
