My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I am available for nakedness
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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