he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
