I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
