We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
