dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
