id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
