do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
