im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sarcasm needs its own font
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
