Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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