party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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