Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
