My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
