3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
