she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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