he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
