it wasn't lemon gatorade
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
