i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
