I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
