God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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