1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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