I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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