he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
